I still have the smell of rocks in my hair and the taste of dirt in my mouth.
“You are mountain”, Mountain insists at its commencement. “You are God.”
I find this difficult to believe.
Mountain is an intuberance of crenellations, ones which have wormed their way into my mind. If Mountain weren’t well aware of the fact that mine is black and corrupt, it would attempt to connect to my soul. But it’s not. Mountain is too smart for that.
Mountain is. It is a mountain. You say mountain and God like they are one, but that’s an obvious statement. Mountain is truth.
Mountain is a videogame for iOS or the PC; I have the iOS version. It is a mountain that–unlike the mountains of old–grows and changes with time. Perhaps, one might cry, it is not a videogame but perhaps a semi-interactive screensaver. Mountain does not respond to those claims. One can play little piano notes to the mountain. The mountain does not respond. Just because a game has no controls or method of interaction does not mean that it is not a game.
One can zoom in and out and rotate the mountain. As above, so below: The top of the mountain is filled with snow, underneath is rocks and emptiness. And zooming out shows the mountain to be all alone in a void. As am I.
Mountain is a troubling manifestation of myself.
I am at a bar and I am staring at Mountain and a young woman next to me asks me, what are you gazing at? And I say, it is Mountain. It is a soul alone. It is God.
I have a routine with Mountain and it is to open Mountain and set it spinning like a top. It is a reminder that even a mountain can be chaotic. Even a mountain can be beyond its control. Even with no method of interacting with Mountain I can interact around it. That perhaps that I cannot change the world but I can change my view of the world.
Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference
I still have the smell of dirt in my hair and the taste of rocks in my mouth.